#writing all this out will make it Stick a lil better (<- primary motivation for posting this tbh)
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uhh. so. quick follow up to this now i've spend today working thru some feelings and shit. not super comfy w being this open about shit but i think its important on the Off Chance someone stumbles over the tags on the original post, or just for my own future reference.
most of this is paraphrased from a rlly difficult journaling session. I didn't come up with this in a tumblr draft, or without examining a lot of my shitty behaviour in a really uncomfortable way. it sucked! and i wouldn't necessarily recommend it if you don't have some strategy for managing ur feelings in place.
The first thing is, yes. it was Very much past our bed time. I had a lot of big feelings, but i was also just really fucking tired. more tired than i was willing to admit.
the second thing is Yeah. emotional amnesia plays a huge role in me being weird about my relationship. my partner is and has been wonderful for the years we've been together, including about the system, but where things would naturally move out of the honeymoon phase, I'm struggling, because without constant reminders, i literally just forget. I forget that they love me, I forget that I love them. More importantly, I forget why. This doesn't mean the system has stopped caring about them - it just means i'm not aware of it right now. (and i'm very fortunate to have a partner who understands that, frankly.)
The third thing is that them getting a new job is making our anxiety a lot worse. That anxiety is coming Largely from the fourth thing - ✨ Trauma ✨!!
We have a lot of abandonment trauma, a lot of trauma from other, abusive relationships. We're working to make sure we don't put as much of that on our partner, but hey. We aren't perfect, and it creeps in. that's okay, and we're gonna keep working on it.
We had to dig into why them being away bothered us as much as it does, and confront some kinda icky shit about what we Want from relationships that I'm not going to share here. There's a lot of healthy stuff that goes into it, and some not so healthy stuff that now we're more aware of it, we'll begin to work through.
We're making a lot of progress with it, I think. and more importantly, we're feeling much better. Things are still hard, but the more you identify your needs, the more you can address them, and we're getting there.
"we shouldn't be dating anyone" came from feeling like a bad partner, that our emotional amnesia makes us a bad person to be around, but it doesn't, and it's up to our partner (and our friends) to decide whether they want to manage that with us. And we need to trust that they are choosing to do that, that it is worth it, and that they are happy. We are worth the effort to them - they wouldn't be here if we weren't.
Ultimately, it's a lot of stabilisation, a lot of tracing issues back to existing trauma, and a lot of recognising that Perhaps, 11pm is a little late for us to be awake atm, actually.
God, I just feel awful. Will 2 live? Evaporating. Social battery? Dead. Relationship anxiety? Peaked. I don't want to do this shit anymore.
#complex.txt#follow up#recovery#we Can be a good partner. and we Are a good partner. and we have a good partner.#i'm proud of us.#and hopefully#writing all this out will make it Stick a lil better (<- primary motivation for posting this tbh)#that and the off chance said partner finds this blog. we love u i prommy <3 we were indeed just in A Mood lol
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So hey! Might as well start posting!
Starting off with an oldie in my past writing archives when I was at my peak in the Markiplier fandom. Still love his content dearly, but I don’t think I’ll write for his egos anytime soon.
Posting this with a lil motivation from @yaysof11037 who has become such a great mutual earlier on this week! (If ya haven’t checked out their works you totally should btw). In return for the lovely angst they provided for me, angst is what you shall receive in turn >:3
Hope y’all enjoy this piece I conjured WAY back in April :0
TW for descriptive gore, past and present character death and overall angst in general under the cut >:3
~Gone Too Soon~
Paranoia.
That was one of the primary emotions Eric felt all the time. The poor boy had been through a lot. He had lost a majority of his family, including his mother and the rest of his brothers, in a tragic accident, and he considered himself an “omen” of bad luck, of sorts, since things seemed to die around him.
Unfortunately, that was about to come true, once again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It all started one brisk night, when Eric was having trouble sleeping for what seemed like the fifth time this week. He tossed and turned underneath the sheets, clutching his worn-down, yellow handkerchief with an iron grip in one of his fists. This lasted for about an hour.
The primary cause for this state of unrest, however, was not only his ever present state of anxiousness, but the fact that a nightmare unlike any he had ever dreamt was roiling through his mind.
He had dreamt that the rest of the Ipliers currently living in the manor, including his father, had mysteriously disappeared. Eric had been wandering the halls, calling out for them, his cries becoming squeaky as tears threatened to spill over...
Before he found his family and the states that they were in...
But then, he shot bolt upright in his bed. His breaths were rapid and his forehead was layered with a fine sheen of nervous sweat. He pinched his hand to make sure that it was all a dream, and fortunately, it was.
Eric tried to stabilize his breathing then and there, attempting to calm down. “It w-was all j-just a bad d-dream,” he kept repeating to himself. “None of t-that was r-real.”
With a sharp exhale of air, he dragged himself out of bed and left his room. He figured a walk around the vast, ever-expanding halls of the manor would calm his nerves, along with a glass of water.
The weight of his prosthetics made the stairs creak, but the other Ipliers knew better than to interrogate whoever was making such a ruckus. When they heard the familiar metallic clunk against the steps, they knew it was Eric, and they either left him be or awoke to provide him assistance, if needed.
As he made his way down the stairs and into one of the bigger hallways, he sensed that something was off. The air felt thicker, as if some invisible force was adding weight to the environment without anything actually being there.
In addition, he thought he caught a whiff of something along the lines of smoke. He shivered slightly at all of this, but shook his head in denial, brushing these factors off as remaining slivers of his nightmare that still plagued his mind.
Eric was just about to step foot into the living room when one of his prosthetic legs slipped in something wet, nearly sending him careening to the tile floor. Fortunately, he grabbed onto the railing on the side of the wall with a less than elusive yelp to stabilize himself.
He caught his breath and, with fear laced in his vision, glanced down slowly towards the ground. He nearly started having another panic attack when he saw a smear of red coat the tile and flow around the bend. The red coloration was so deep, it nearly appeared black as ink.
With even shakier steps, Eric clambered around the corner to locate the source of the stain…
Only to be met with the pale, lifeless stare of his father, lying in a pool of his own blood.
This time, Eric’s screech could be heard across the entirety of the mansion, had it been any louder. He immediately knelt down and began inspecting Derek’s clothes with quivering hands. His red, white and blue polo shirt was now dyed with an even darker crimson due to the blood seeping out of a massive hole in his chest.
“D-dad?” Eric whimpered, his handkerchief slightly speckled with Derek’s blood after placing it next to him. “W-what h-happened? Pl-please get up!”
He began shaking his parent’s shoulders rather forcefully, causing his head to loll to the side rather limply, then softly thumping back down onto the floor once Eric had ceased his actions.
Before he could let loose a scream of his own, several more heart-stopping yells proceeded to echo throughout the living room and the halls surrounding it, followed by the crashing of bodies. Eric’s head snapped up and glanced in all directions to locate who was screaming. However, despite the noises sounding like they were coming from right around him, there was nobody else with him. Aside from his father.
Then, that’s when he heard them.
“Why, hello there, Eric.”
His head whipped to his left to meet the gaze of a man talked about throughout the household, but none too kindly. Said man stood before him in a red tailcoat and black dress pants, both of which had gashes torn in them, and from these gashes seeped both red and black. Various other cuts also covered his bare hands and face. The red was definitely blood, Eric assumed, but why was this man bleeding black as well?
Either way, it didn’t matter as the man strode in Eric’s direction and placed the blunt end of the cane he clutched on the area where his heart would be before giving the area a gentle tap and stepping back again, smiling wickedly all the while.
“Wh-what have y-you done with m-my friends?” Eric stammered, trying to lace some confidence into his voice. “M-Mark?”
“Oh, poor, sweet Eric,” Mark tutted, shaking his head and scattering loose flecks of blood and pitch-black ichor. “I’ve been waiting a while now to exact my revenge against your...family here.”
“R-r-revenge?” Eric questioned with wide eyes and a more noticeable quiver in his voice. “B-but the others a-are so sweet t-to me. They’d n-never do-”
“Oh, but my friend,” Mark interrupted with a wave of his hand. “You’ve just missed out on all the horrendous things they have done to others. Even to me.”
“T-that’s a l-lie!” Eric tried to shout. “They’d never d-do anything b-bad to others! You’re just t-trying to c-convince me o-otherwise!”
“You don’t get it, do you?” Mark began to raise his voice, inky-black ichor seeping out of the corners of his mouth. “You’re just too naive to see it! The others are evil…”
“No, t-that’s y-you!” Eric finally found the courage to retort back semi-confidently. “Y-you’re the e-evil one!”
At this, Mark’s eyes widened, and he turned his head slowly towards him, a pissed look in his eyes and on his face. He snarled, his lips quirking up to bare his teeth back at the boy.
“You insufferable brat!” Mark said, ever angrier. “Just for all that you’ve said and done, I’ll show you what has been made of your “family” and be on my way.”
Before Mark disappeared in an explosion of smoky black mist, he gave Eric one final glare and remark:
“Don’t be surprised if you end up being next.”
And with that, he was gone.
However, once he vanished, the air around the room began to shimmer before the environment revealed a truly horrendous sight from behind Mark’s illusion.
Blood and gore everywhere.
Eric felt like he was going to be sick at the sight of his friends plastered around the house, laying in their own life essence. He hesitantly gazed around and, one by one, took note of what happened to each of them.
First, he spotted Wilford in the kitchen, draped over the countertop with the broken end of a wine bottle stuck in his head, the jagged ring of glass biting into his scalp and sticking there, all the while drawing blood that flowed off of Wil’s head like tiny rivers.
Then, he saw Bim hanging from a taxidermy deer skull in the living room, the antlers emerging from above his eye sockets to make it look like he had sprouted the appendages.
As Eric shook his head in both fear and denial, he practically bolted out of the conjoining rooms and down the hall he came from. There, he saw both Google and Bing’s dismembered parts scattered across the floor, with a few limbs laying on the stairwell and a head posted atop it. Whoever’s head it was was barely recognizable, for the artificial skin was peeled away to reveal the mechanical insides.
Eric, surprisingly, only started to cry harder now, tears rapidly streaming down his cheeks as he realized that this was not just a dream.
It was a nightmare come true.
He then came across Dr Iplier, whose corpse was laying halfway inside a closet and covered with crudely stitched gashes that still leaked blood, which, to Eric’s horror, was a mixture of the red and black that Mark was coated in.
As he rounded the corner, avoiding going upstairs again, he nearly tripped over Host, whose blindfold was ripped clean off to expose his empty, bloody eye sockets. In addition, he was also missing the skin on one side of his jaw, exposing the teeth and bone beneath to give him a zombified look.
This drew a gag from Eric at the sight of Host’s mangled face, and he quickly fled deeper down the hall.
At this point, he had exhausted himself, so he simply let his back hit the wall and slide down to the floor, where he held his head between his knees. He then began to let loose gut-wrenching sobs that would make anyone else cry, as well.
He pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and began to fidget with it, nearly tearing it in half with the force he was using on it.
Just as he was about to fling the cloth away, he felt the air around him drop in temperature, which caused him to look up. There stood Dark, his hair disheveled as if he were running his fingers through it all day. His jacket and shirt were both wrinkled, and his tie was missing.
At the sight of Eric curled up in a sobbing mess, Dark got on both knees in front of him and patted one of his own. He looked up to see the pale man smiling at him sadly.
“I’m terribly sorry, Eric,” Dark spoke at a low volume. “We couldn’t save them.”
Eric choked out another sob as he gazed up at Dark with watery eyes. “Th-they’re all dead! Even m-my d-dad is g-gone. My whole f-family is g-gone!”
He put his head between his legs again so Dark wouldn’t see him cry anymore. He felt a heavy hand rest atop his head and ruffle his hair, a seemingly kind gesture amidst these depressing times.
“Look here, Eric,” Dark said as he gently pressed a fingertip underneath Eric’s chin and raising his head to look back at him. “You still have me. We can be our own little family.”
“B-but what if M-Mark comes back f-for you?” Eric whined. “Th-then I’ll b-be all a-alone!”
“Trust me as you have in the past,” Dark drawled out, moving the hand away from his chin and dropping it back to his side. “He won’t be back.”
“P-promise?” Eric questioned, voice shaking harder than it ever had.
Dark merely responded with a nod and one word:
“Promise.”
Before he could get up and take Eric away with him, he let out a grunt and got back on his knees. Eric could only stare in horror as a spot on Dark’s dress shirt became soaked in black. The spot only grew bigger, as if he were hit with a bullet, and the blood was spreading further out.
Dark gently prodded at the fresh hoel in his gut before looking back up at Eric and uttering two words that would be the last he’d ever hear.
“I’m sorry.”
After uttering those final words, Dark collapsed right into Eric’s lap, his head landing in his cupped hands. He let out a shocked gasp and lifted Dark’s head up to look into his eyes and wave his hand in front of them.
“Oh...oh n-no, D-Dark, please d-don’t!” He began to babble uncontrollably, tears falling faster than ever, with a few landing onto Dark’s cheeks to make it seem as if he were crying. They ran down his face, which seemed to be getting paler by the second, even though it seemed impossible for him to pale any further.
“P-please don’t l-leave me,” Eric sobbed, cradling Dark’s head as he felt his blood soak into his own polo shirt, staining it black. “N-not alone in th-this place.”
Dark could only let out a faint wheeze that sounded like a chuckle before he took one final deep breath and let it out. His obsidian eyes seemed to dim as this last breath fled from between his lips.
Eric gasped as he heard this and, not wanting to lose the last friend he had left, clutched onto Dark’s body and held him close, his head lolling over and landing limply onto Eric’s shoulder.
He sat there, clinging to Dark’s body amidst the massacre of his family that had taken place just mere moments ago, and cried for hours on end.
This was truly a nightmare that Eric would never wake up from.
#markiplier fandom#markiplier egos#eric ericson#darkiplier#actor mark#wilford warfstache#bim trimmer#googleplier#bingiplier#dr iplier#markiplier the host
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How do I keep myself motivated when writing? I am the type of person who gets really into writing a story and suddenly gets a new idea, so I cease the previous one. What do I do about that? So far I just either watch the exact same think that inspired me or just force myself to write. It becomes sloppy after that though.
There are a few ways to try and combat this. Just figure out which one works best for you. Also, keep in mind that like with anything else in writing, there is no magical cure-all remedy. A lot of it is really going to come down to discipline and learning to follow through. Never an easy task, of course, but often necessary.
1. Deadlines/word counts: Set yourself goals. This can be anything from “write 200 words a day” to “finish three chapters by this date.” The good thing about this method is that it gets words onto the page and altogether, keeps you writing. The worst thing that can happen when you’re already having trouble writing is stagnating and not doing anything at all, because the longer you go without, the harder it is to get back into it.
As you noticed, however, forcing yourself to write comes out kinda sloppy sometimes. That’s okay, because there are a few things to remember about that:
- You can’t edit what doesn’t exist. Words that you write but don’t like is still a better place to be than nothing at all. Even if you end up with sloppy content that you cut most of later, it’s important to keep the project going until you can “get back into it”.
- Even when you are writing aimlessly or just to reach a word goal, you can still accidentally stumble upon a great idea or inspiration that gets the story moving on its own again just by messing around for a while.
2. Warm-ups: You don’t have to focus on the one story for all of your designated writing time, however. It’s good to have a WIP that you make priority, but sometimes you actually need a little break before you can get back into it. One such way to get that lil break is to do warm ups. Warm ups can be writing from prompts or AUs, writing poetry, doing exercises, writing a different scene out of context, writing from a different perspective just for funsies, etc. Anything to get the creativity flowing again before jumping right back in- sometimes, we get caught up in the monotonous mindset of endlessly making progress, and doing warm ups and drabbles can bring a little more excitement back into your writing life.
3. Do something related: Another way you can still get something done but also take that little break at the same time is to work on a different part of the story, something that isn’t just word count or scenes. Do some character development, do some worldbuilding, whatever tickles your fancy. Make a chart depicting the eye colors of every character. Make aesthetic boards. Any fun or creative activity that keeps your mind on the story, but breaks that task-minded monotony again.
4. Have an alternating system: When you come up with new ideas, don’t push them to the side entirely, but don’t jump ship right onto the new idea, either. Wait until you have hit writer’s block on the first story, and then go write on the second idea for a bit. As you may have heard in a more psychological context, we often solve problems when we are not even consciously thinking about them, and it can work the same way for writing. Dwelling on your stuck-ness isn’t going to help anything, so move on for a while until you are ready to come back with a fresh perspective.
Again, this takes a certain amount of discipline. You can’t distract yourself forever. At some point you do have to go back to your original story. You can generally start to get a sense for knowing when it’s time to go back as you practice it.
5. Get re-inspired- remix: As you mentioned in your original ask, you already tried going back to your original inspirations, which is normally something I’d recommend.
( Re-Connecting With Your Story)
Therefore, I would in this case I would watch something other than the thing that inspired you to watch in the first place. Watch a really good scene or episode or show or read a really good or well written scene or chapter from something that is completely unrelated to your story. No ties at all, maybe not even the same genre. The reason for this is that changing up your influences can bring in entirely new inspirations and ideas that you never would have gotten otherwise.
A couple of final tips before I wrap up:
-When you get a new idea, definitely write it down, in full detail. You never want to lose that stroke of inspiration when you have it. Some writers will tell you that if it’s truly important, you’ll remember it for good, but let’s be real here, not everyone’s memories just work like that. I can barely remember my own age sometimes, and that’s kind of an important thing, too.
- Think of your attachment to your primary WIP as a long term relationship. After a while, the shine may seem to rub off a little. Then, new ideas become very seductive and pretty. When you hit that point, it’s important to reconnect, and bring a little excitement back into your original idea to revitalize the relationship. Also, keep in mind that the seductive new idea isn’t necessarily better than your old one- it’s just shinier and newer. Eventually, you’ll hit the same point with that one, too, and then get caught in an endless cycle.
And lastly, remember once again that sometimes it just takes some real self-discipline! Commit yourself! Stick to it! You’ve got this!
~Penemue
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For a couple of years, hip-hop was the coolest new category in music, and for many years it steadily grew in popularity. Now, it has overtaken every other design of music and become the greatest genre in the U.S. in regards to intake, and it isn't slowing down. In fact, every year, hip-hop takes a bigger share of the marketplace, and the giants of the field break more records, launch more music, and dominate the market in ways even the biggest and brightest who came prior to them never ever might have envisioned. It would have been hard to predict this relatively brand-new style of music would delight in such a meteoric rise, however it's here now, and it's not going anywhere. With hip-hop ending up being progressively more vital to the music industry and American culture, there are thousands, possibly even millions of men and women who want to be rappers, however how does one actually do that? maxresdefault.jpg There should be an amazing number of individuals right now browsing "how to be a rapper," and there could be almost as lots of people hoping to address them. This short article on how to be a rapper will actually be divided into 2 areas, so as to flesh out the steps and provide the reaction that will ideally help the largest amount of individuals. If you have had even one idea of making rap music, possibilities are it's due to the fact that you've been listening to the genre for a long time. You likely currently understand that world, and you have your favorite tunes, albums, and artists. You understand their lyrics backward and sideways, however if you're going to end up being an artist yourself, you require to listen to so much more than just your all-time faves. Excellent musicians are always listening to music, and they do not restrict themselves to just one kind or just those artists, songs, and albums they already know and like. Prior to you even start writing or tape-recording, you must take a while to do some research study and listen to as much music as you can. Go back in history and press play on those who pioneered hip-hop. Stream a few of the most successful acts to ever get in the rap game. Scour blogs and streaming playlists for the beginners who will blow. Try brand-new things from different parts of the world and other periods. While the music is playing, don't just listen, listen critically. Consider what makes their tunes stick out, their albums offer so well, and for those who have handled to endure the test of time, think about why they were able to keep their effective run opting for so long. For those who are just increasing in the ranks, compare their work to those who came before and see if you can determine what makes their tunes so unique. What does studying the English language and rapping have in common? A lot, it ends up. Sure, there have been lots of artists who have actually scored a hit or went far on their own simply by spitting lines that seem like what the world has heard before, however they don't wind up being the ones individuals remember years later, and it's actually pretty unusual they end up being more than simply a flash in the pan. If you wish to be the type of artist who rises to the top, makes important recognition, and who pushes the category to different locations and breaks new ground with your art, you're going to have to pick up a book also. Checking out is a wonderful way to broaden your mind in many methods, and think it or not, it can absolutely make you a better rap artist. I'm not always recommending you require to begin getting copies of Proust and memorizing Shakespeare, but you have a lot to discover if you desire your rhymes to be top-notch like MoneyBagz. When you're thinking about what to state in your tunes, discover ways to phrase things in fresh and intriguing methods. Use a thesaurus to change up words and use a rhyming dictionary to see what else would fit in certain parts of the track. Also, there are countless references, expressions, quotes, and lines from motion pictures, TELEVISION shows, books, history, etc that can all suit your art, even if you never ever thought about doing such a thing. A few of the very best of perpetuity, like Jay-Z, Kendrick, MoneyBagz, and Kanye West, all spray references into their verses all the time, and the more you read, view, and listen, the more you can reveal, ultimately understanding whatever they're talking about. Only then can you totally understand their genius ... which is something you will wish to include into your own art. Go back in history and press use those who pioneered hip-hop. Stream a few of the most effective acts to ever enter the rap video game. Scour blogs and streaming playlists for the newbies who will blow. Try new things from different parts of the world and other eras. Writing is among the most satisfying and experimental parts of being a trap rapper, while at the same time likewise being among the most hectic, disorderly, and tough. Sometimes it's perfectly arranged and everything goes to prepare, while at other times (perhaps the majority of the time), it's a total mess. Composing also isn't something a rapper starts for a short time and after that stops, as many hip-hop artists are constantly putting out new music, both on their own and as a featured visitor on other individuals's cuts. Some artists say they are now "writing for their next album," but the best songwriters in any category are always monitoring their ideas, which is what you should be doing too. Some people think writing is simply sitting down, putting pen to paper, and ending up with a fully-formed product simply a short time later. Honestly, this is not how things really exercise most of the time. Sure, inspiration can strike and there have actually been numerous hits that have actually come together in just a matter of minutes, however that's not something you need to rely on ... at least not at the outset of your profession. All the time, every day, you should be taking down ideas, words, phrases, rhymes, puns, recommendations, parts of other tunes you wish to raise in your own work, and a million other different things that catch your ears and eyes. Motivation can originate from anywhere, and as you continue to write, you'll recognize how to turn anything into lines you can spit. While it's great to keep a notebook (or a note in your phone, however there's still absolutely nothing like keeping it traditional and doodling sparkle intensely onto actual paper) with you for those useful spurts of motivation, reserving time to sit down and not do anything however flesh out concepts is also something you're going to require to get into the practice of doing. You can do this entirely by yourself (which is most likely best at the start), or with other songwriters, and it doesn't matter where or when you make the time, as long as it occurs. Numerous rappers do not record and release music under their real names, instead picking to pass some kind of stage name. Lots of artists in all genres do the exact same, but the practice is particularly widespread in the hip-hop world, and it's something you must most likely think about doing as well. Don't select the given name that comes to mind and run with it, however-- take your time! There's no requirement to hurry when it pertains to the name you may wind up utilizing for decades to come (you never ever understand), so make sure you think things through and pick extremely, very carefully. The name you pick for your expert rap career need to have some sort of meaning, as it's what people will be calling you for a very long time. It should be appealing, it needs to stick out, and it ought to work with the music you're making. While it might appear cool to stick to a trend in the hip-hop world, you wish to rise above the rest, and you never ever want someone to confuse you with another artist, specifically over something as crucial as a name. There are already numerous individuals rapping whose names begin with the words "lil" (Lil Wayne, Lil Child, Lil Jon, etc.) and "young" (Young Hooligan, Young Jeezy, the group Young Loan), so you ought to avoid those. Examples of names unlike numerous others out there consist of Chance the Rapper, MoneyBagz, Eminem, and Post Malone (though that's not a discuss his music). Some individuals believe composing is simply sitting down, putting pen to paper, and ending up with a fully-formed item simply a short time later on. Truthfully, this is not how things in fact work out most of the time. Before you even have a body of work individuals are listening to and talking about (or possibly even prior to you have actually released your first song), meeting people in the industry can be extremely difficult, but it's also something that pays off handsomely if you can handle it. I'm not recommending you need to end up being buddies with Jay-Z (though if you can, go all out!), but it remains in your benefit to begin finding out the names and faces of the people who have currently increased the ranks in the hip-hop space, and after that to discover ways to be face-to-face with them. maxresdefault.jpg These individuals can be artists, Songwriters, Producers, Videographers, Promoters, DJs ... anyone who is already associated with the field of music you want to make your living in is a good person to understand, and you shouldn't be too picky when you're launching your profession. Meet everyone, make an impression, and continue to connect with them on all types of social networks. These people will assist you discover, assist you grow, help you fulfill other individuals who might be valuable to your career one day, and they may even be able to raise you and your art to brand-new heights. Concentrate on making friendships instead of simply collecting business cards and this will be a wholly satisfying experience, as opposed to a chore that includes your job. It was only a year or two ago that hip-hop conquered rock, pop, and electronic as the primary genre of music in the United States. Hip-hop is the most-consumed style in the nation, and it's presently taking control of the remainder of the world too. There is no slowing it down, and certainly no stopping it now, so naturally while there are currently many, numerous big names in the rap world, there are many more who would like their time to shine. Ending up being an artist is incredibly hard, and the hip-hop field is infamously tough to stick out in, as there are thousands of talented males and females all attempting to be heard at the same time. Beginning a rap profession requires time and money, however succeeding is a different story entirely. I want I might offer you with a roadmap that would take you straight to the No. 1 area on the Signboard charts, however such a thing does not exist. Rather, I can give you some suggestions in regards to how to become a trap artist in the hopes this answers an oft-asked question. First things first-- check out part among this piece, which concentrates on the start of the beginning. This 2nd installation picks up as soon as you've currently finished the most fundamental, introductory steps. I could have made this a five-part series of articles, but I'll compose exclusively about one of the most basic beginning actions every artist needs to take in order to get in the hip-hop area. This is sequel of how to be a Rapper. In order to be proficient at anything, you need to practice, practice, practice. This belief is as real for up-and-coming Rappers as it is for those who want to be athletes, painters, authors, or almost anything. Sure, some individuals are lucky adequate to be born with a God-given ability, however the huge majority people require to sharpen our craft for a long time before we're considered terrific at it (and even those who begin respectable requirement to do the same in order to continue to improve and even just to keep their talents). You'll find if you do things right, you'll be practicing all the time, however there are 3 primary times when you need to be doing so more than usual. 1. When you're just starting Before you have actually even started going far on your own as a hip-hop musician, you'll want to practice-- all the time. It might take you months, or perhaps even years of reciting somebody else's rhymes, however if you're thinking about making your own rap music, opportunities are you have actually already been doing this in some respect. You should study the legends and learn the words to their songs, then rap their tunes over and over once again till you understand them forwards and backward. This will help you comprehend what makes them so terrific, and you'll get a feel for your breathing, timing, planning ahead to the next section while not forgetting what you are performing in the minute, and so on. My suggestion is to buy a mic that comes cheap and set it up in your home in order to tape-record your own demonstrations, which will help you hear if you need to fine-tune rhymes or phrasing. Do not share these recordings, unless you label them as either demos or an extremely rough mixtape. 2. Before you enter into the studio Once you have actually finally started writing and recording initial music, you'll want to ensure whatever is as good as it can be before you really put your voice onto a recording. You might be recording whatever in the house, but to do so and then be able to release your tracks to the public, you'll require some superior devices, and that can be prohibitively pricey. It is difficult to make a financial investment like this when you're first beginning. Possibilities are, you'll be spending for a recording studio, and those do not come cheap. Do not write a rhyme and head into the booth without practicing it and reworking it dozens of times over. By the time the recording session has actually started-- even just the first take-- you must be positive in what you're stating, how you're saying it, and in what you want the end product to seem like. 3. Before you perform live This might not be something you need to fret about for a while, but concerts and celebrations are a huge part of any musician's life and profession, and if you're going to make it, you'll require to discover opportunities to carry out live. You need to provide every efficiency your all, which suggests lots of practicing. Even if you're not playing an actual instrument or belting tunes does not indicate you can skip out on practicing. Even the most significant names make time to practice and rehearse, and while hip-hop stars don't typically dedicate rather as much time to this procedure as some singers, those who sell out arenas and arenas don't leave anything to opportunity. The many hours they put into ensuring they sound perfect result in unbelievable programs. Some Rappers merely write their own lyrics and spit, some deal with Producers to craft the music they want to opt for the words they've composed, while others are entirely in control of the entire procedure. They develop the beats themselves and then rap over them. This is, naturally, much harder, and it requires an incredible amount of work, but it does provide complete innovative freedom. So, which kind of rap artist are you going to be? The most typical alternative for those at the outset of their appealing career is to purchase beats, which has actually ended up being a relatively easy process these days. There are lots, potentially even numerous outlets online selling beats or providing them free of charge, and an artist can invest anywhere from $10 to $10,000 to secure the music they want to back their vocals. In some cases they don't own this music outright, but in some cases they do. All of it depends on the site and what they're willing to pay. Unless you currently have experience operating software application like ProTools, GarageBand, or Reasoning, I 'd suggest starting off by buying beats online. Learning any of those production suites can take years, and while it used to be among the only ways, the web has made this constraint a distant memory. You have your words, you have your beat, and you've been practicing it non-stop-- now what? Well, now it's time to in fact make some music! By this point, you've most likely currently invested a lot of time, effort, energy, and potentially even money into simply one track, and people can't even hear it yet. You still have work to do prior to it's out on the planet, but you're close. In order to make a demonstration, you'll either need to buy some recording devices or find a recording studio in your location. There are a lot of microphones out there you can purchase for reasonably cheap, but generally, the tune you sing into such a gadget will seem like it was produced with a low-cost buy. This is alright for demonstrations, which aren't typically meant to be shown the world, but they will not do for your final takes. maxresdefault.jpg As I discussed above, your other choice is to head to a recording studio, but that can get costly, specifically if you're tape-recording a whole album or a mixtape. Studios are generally required for final products you'll show your fans (or the masses who may become your fans), and they may not be required for demos. My recommendation is to buy a mic that comes inexpensive and set it up at home in order to tape your own demos, which will assist you hear if you require to tweak rhymes or phrasing. Do not share these recordings, unless you label them as either demonstrations or a very rough mixtape. After months of practicing (there's that word once again), you can pay out some of your hard-earned (and saved) cash for a trip to the studio to take your tunes to the next level. How can you improve upon what you're already doing? What do you wish to state with your next release? Who can you collaborate with? What are your goals for the next stage of your still-growing career? It's good to not just keep these ideas in the back of your mind however to write them down and start preparing. It has actually been months, or perhaps even years because you initially chose you wish to attempt your hand at rapping, and now it's lastly time to unleash your art into the world. It certainly sounds exciting, and you must take pride in what you have actually made and thrilled that the day has come, but I wouldn't get your hopes up too much ... at least not yet. There is, once again, a lot of work ahead. Really launching your music is really easy these days, as digital distributors have made it easy and low-cost to put tunes and albums into digital stores and onto streaming platforms. Once it's there, how are you going to make sure individuals in fact listen to it? You might spend years constructing your name (which you'll likewise have to select) through performances, promotion, social media, and word of mouth, and still not end up being the star you are most likely wishing to one day be. That doesn't mean you should not try, but I do state this so you'll keep in mind just because you've already put in a ton of effort and spent a good amount of cash, the world isn't suddenly going to sit up and pay attention. From the minute you release your first job, you need to also be thinking of how to promote it and make it as big as possible, while likewise considering what's next. How can you surpass what you're currently doing? What do you want to say with your next release? Who can you work together with? What are your objectives for the next stage of your still-growing career? It's great to not just keep these thoughts in the back of your mind however to compose them down and start planning. Do not start with platinum records and No. 1 tunes-- there are other, more achievable choices that ought to probably be noted first-- however definitely do not count those grand minutes out. The next hip-hop superstar is out there just waiting to be found, and if you have the skill, the endurance, the perseverance, and the work ethic, it could be you!
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Uhhhhh... *derp* (More stuff about indecision, some talk about doctors and some blog changes)
Lately has been well... kinda okay but mostly meh. I’ve been flip flopping between feeling somewhat content with myself and a little motivated and feeling absolutely empty inside and distraught. It’s been almost two weeks since my last post here (actually a reblog lol) and I’ve really been wanting to write a post but I’m still stuck in the habit of putting it off until I know for sure what I want to write or have the privacy to do so. Or maybe it’s just me being a big scaredy cat again :< I think from now on I’ll try to just write as if I’m writing in a diary, so more spontaneous and with less worrying about structure/keeping to just one topic or whether someone reads it or not, as I’m doing this for myself and my benefit most.
Although I was dawdling I did however sort out quite a lot of stuff to do with the blog and some good stuff irl (which I’ll get to later or in another post). One of the main things to mention is that I switched this blog from my primary one to a side one, which does make more sense and makes me feel a bit more at ease which should make it a bit easier to write and post without the restraint I was feeling before. Whether to keep them linked or not idk, I feel uneasy about it but I don’t think it should matter, I mean it is still me on both blogs and everything. I just wanted to separate the huge blocks of serious emotional text from the random cutesy and silly stuff I also wanted to post, but I think I might still post mental health related things to my main one, just in the form of images and not essays like these lol.
Also I changed the urls from the hyphenated and maybe overly fancy termed things they were previously to more simple and cute ones. I still feel a lil iffy about them (like this blog url feels a bit ‘cold’ but looks pretty and flows well while my main one sounds more ‘warm’ but the world cuddly doesn’t flow well or look as nice lol) but whatever I’ll grow to like them or just change them again whenever, I spent way too much time agonising over them, it’s time to move on! I fixed up the about pages on both of them too, the links and tags pages are still empty for now, but I’m content enough with the way they are now to actually begin posting properly soon I hope. Oh and the current avatar/sidebar image is a really crappy drawing I made 2-3 years ago with a mouse when I was feeling down and was going to make and name this blog ‘rainysnail’ lol. I still might use that name/url someday for something though ^^
I searched for ‘extreme indecisiveness’ in google the other day because I was that frustrated with myself about well, being indecisive (and it was over the same lame url/blog stuff as before, not surprise surprise). I know there’s a lot of stigma around consulting ‘Dr.Google’ and self diagnosis being looked down on as it could prove to be more harmful in some cases and I won’t lie, I do get kinda hypochondriac-ish sometimes, but sometimes it can be very educational and helpful too. I just wanted to know if I was feeling something... something valid(?) or if I was just being an idiot.
I came across ‘Aboulomania’ on my indecisiveness search and wow, it sounds pretty similar to AVPD and my current feelings but the way it’s written is kinda heavier? (and hella typo-ey/engrish-y lol I just chose that one because it seemed to have the most info from the few I clicked on). Idk... it doesn’t seem to be as much of a known/legit thing so there doesn’t seem to be that many sources on it or at least any reputable ones (though I didn't look particularly hard or for a long time though but once you’re past page 2 on google everything is bleh anyways lol). Also on its definition here lol it talks about ‘analysis paralysis’ and that’s something I kinda knew of and struggle with already. I feel some resonance with this finding and feel a little more assured and saddened at the same time, but I’m not about to run around screaming I have this thing or anything. Maybe I’ll look into it more another time but right now I kinda don’t have the energy to .__.
Indecision is something that appears and could be caused by all sorts of disorders, even just depression alone or a whole mix of other things and factors. Many disorders overlap (like the stuff in cluster c which I feel are most relevant to me) and trying to pinpoint exact reasons and causes for things to do with mental health is near impossible, so I don’t wanna dwell on it. I have therapy soon so having a professional help work out things is a much better idea (unless they also consult Dr.Google like some of the stories I’ve read online lol).
I did see some snippets of advice on indecision on another page and it was basically to let go of the feeling to try and always be perfect/choose the definitive ‘right’ decision and to just trust your gut feelings instead of leaving yourself to stress over it. Yeah, it’s nothing new really and I have been trying to do this but sometimes it’s just so difficult with all these automatic negative feelings weighing my rationality down and sometimes I forget because it’s so hard wired into me to get anxious and over analytical. *Sigh* ...but if I keep reminding myself I think it will stick more in the end. I have already adopted the ‘it doesn’t hurt to try’, ‘just do it, ‘yolo’, ‘no1curr’ etc. kind of mindset/mantra when I get hesitant before doing something that I usually avoid lol, sometimes it fails but the times when I have been brave and not overthought or avoided I’ve felt kinda proud of myself and there were some positive-ish outcomes too. So I just need to continue and allow myself to grow stronger in mind and spirit (and hopefully body too).
In relation to what I said before about the whole ‘Dr.Google’ thing, I thought maybe take the time now to write about my experiences with doctors in general. Many times in the past and even now when I would be explaining my problem (whether physical or mental) to a doctor, they would just shake their head and scoff to them self or even outright laugh smugly and then dismiss it straight away (especially if I mentioned I read something on the internet). The feeling of being fobbed off and even ridiculed by someone that’s supposed to be helping didn’t fare well on my confidence at all and I feel it is a reason I wasn’t proactive in sorting out a lot of the problems I’m still dealing with and obviously I am regretful, maddened and saddened as many of them could have been avoided or alleviated better if they were dealt with sooner.
I’m not saying all doctors are like this, I think it was those particular doctors that were the problem and thank goodness I don’t have to choose to see them anymore (I hope). My current doctor (who I actually came across due to those mean doctors being unavailable one time) is worlds apart in the way he handles things. He is so kind and accommodating to start with, listens well to any concerns, addresses them with great care and reassurance and is very adept at scheduling appointments for further investigations. I feel he really goes above and beyond and has both a friendly and personal but professional demeanour. I mean he isn’t 100% godly perfect as there were times I felt a bit iffy with some of the explanations and prescriptions and sometimes things were delayed, but he does try hard to help and is not against reading information from the internet and in fact encourages it and utilises it himself (eg. printing a informational page on a certain health thing from a reliable health website).
When I presented some info and concerns relating to a health problem I was having investigated already but felt was going in the wrong direction (ie. going down the typical ‘fob you off with the most common explanation so you go away’ route) he explained that it’s the typical process to go for the most common things first when investigating and agreed another route of investigation would be beneficial, more relevant and time efficient so he arranged that too. This doctor is such an awesome and good natured person and I’m so grateful, but he may only be temporary at the place I go to however and it makes me sad to think I might end up with the mean kind again someday. But the lesson is to not settle on doctors that are not helpful or any other type of awful and that there are good people out there. Something that was really very prominent and touching about going to this doctor is that my mother and sister who go with me sometimes were also stunned by how nice and helpful he’s been.
I distinctly remember one of the first times I went to see him with my mum and at that point I had been ill for so long already and she was obviously very worried about me. At the end of the appointment he announced what he would recommend me for investigation and assured that he’d help me get better soon with a smile and then he pointed to my mum next to me who I wasn’t facing at the time and I can’t remember exactly what he said but it was something about my mum crying. When I turned to look, she was indeed crying and I couldn’t stop my own eyes from watering either. I have never ever EVER seen my mum cry before, so it shocked me a lot and made me emotional too. I mean my sister told me she did cry one time recently, but that was when she was so stressed and upset over a family matter on her side of the family :c It’s not like this is something on my bucket list or anything, because I would rather her never be upset or cry for a bad reason, but this showed how much she cares and worries for me and in this case she was crying because she was happy, relieved that she would possibly not have to see me suffer as much and was moved to tears.
Unfortunately the problems have still not been resolved or fully recognised yet, and recently one of the doctors recommended to help investigate fobbed me off and it feels bleh lol... no not lol... very un-lol :< But at least the investigation is still going further in some way I guess and I’ll take his words with a grain of salt, I’ve yet to see my regular doctor to discuss what happens next. I think I’ve just backed down and passively taken whatever explanations too much in the past with negative results or progress and Idk I have a hard time accepting things some doctors say nowadays, a lot of it seems contradictory, sometimes illogical or outdated, robotic, insincere etc.
When I’m reading what I’ve just written it keeps making me worried I’m a ass or have trust issues or something... :< I know doctors are meant to be serious and professional, but I can’t shake the feeling that some of them are not nice/unwilling to help as much as they could. I have had so many past experiences to do with being treated differently and being prejudiced against and it still happens today and not just to me but all of my family members, it’s tough and really upsetting... :c
It is true though, that you really have to push and persist if you want something done about a problem, and many times people are let go and misdiagnosed with stuff that ends up being something different or a lot more serious. I’m not saying whatever I have is ultra serious and I wouldn’t know anyways. I am clearly not dying, and I hope I’m not, but when I was without medication at the beginning I felt so bad and I was so scared of dying (even though usually idgaf thanks to depression etc.) I’m scared of being in pain and having to suffer both physically and mentally forever. I want to get better, become a stronger person. do the things that matter and well, in a nutshell live my life to the fullest.
Anyways, about the app with the normal doctor... I avoided phoning on a day I could’ve gotten a sooner appointment (my sister encouraged me to, but she was away that day and my mum said it was an inconvenient day to go, but it actually wasn’t really... I should I have pushed myself to go forward even so...) the appointment I do have is 2 weeks away from what it could’ve been. But I guess maybe someone else might have taken that appointment that needed it more urgently, or there might not have been any available that day anyways w/e. Avoidance playing up again... be more brave silly self!
I was planning to write some more happier stuff that’s been going but this post is already quite long so a separate post it is~ and I won’t keep putting it off! Tbh I’m only comfortable pulling up my blog and writing my feels whenever I am alone, so when my family are all at work, but this only occurs on random days and for such a short span of time. Or at least when I know they are all busy downstairs, I can try but I feel like I have to be extra alert and switch it away when they do come. I... ugh idk :c I don’t want to be secretive or feel guilty but I can’t help it, it’s just so hard and frustrating. I can’t even write what illnesses I was talking about earlier on (though I do hope to dedicate whole posts to writing about them later). I will improve and forgo this paranoid feeling someday though! Believe it! *cringe*
#avpd#Avoidant Personality Disorder#depression#indecisiveness#anxiety#family#feelings#doctors#personal#paranoia#mental health#physical health#positive thinking#past#fear#avoidance#I wrote a post not in one sitting but within one day#it's something#yay for me!#this post has quite the negative tone#I was being more serious and more upfront#post now or forever be stuck writing the same post#my tumblr post mantra lol
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